By Mel Bancroft

Back in the nineties, when dating websites were in their infancy, internet relationships were generally frowned upon. The stigma it carried seemed to label people who dated over the internet as incapable of getting a date, relying on the internet to do it for them. It was greatly associated with weirdoes and potential stalkers or perverts roaming the web to prey on unsuspecting internet users.

If a woman was asked how she met her new man, she might hear a sigh, or a gasp, followed by a disapproving look when she replied “On the internet.” Has that changed at all today? While people may have become more comfortable with internet dating using popular sites such as Eharmony.com and Match.com, there’s still skepticism about its efficacy. Do internet relationships last, and who’s really benefiting from internet dating?

“People who’re not serious, playing games” said Tonya, an attorney and writer. “In my experience, they’re the ones who are taking over internet dating.” After trying it out for the first time in the late nineties, she found an internet relationship difficult to come by. She ended up with two undesirable experiences.

Her first internet relationship involved a man who, after months of dating her, was involved with other women who were calling her at work. Although reluctant, she agreed to meet another guy who said he didn’t have a recent photo to send her. “When I met him, the only part of his description of himself that was accurate was that he was tall. He left out his sloppy looking rolls of fat, his wrinkled up, slouchy clothes, and his man breasts. After that, I gave up internet relationships.”

The typical complaints most people have in common about developing internet relationships are: profiles are totally fabricated; people inaccurately characterize themselves; and some users lie about being married or in a relationship. These experiences are never advertised and can cause people to lose faith when all they see are “success stories” on television. There are people who have been dating for years via the internet wondering when they’re going to have a success story of their own.

Tara, an academic advisor, and her husband, Robert, an assistant professor, have a story that can definitely be called a “success.” They met in 1998 and were married a year later. Although they actually met through voicemail, they have insightful viewpoints about the process of electronic dating—whether it’s through voicemail or internet relationships.

Tara had her own rules for meeting someone for the first time. “Keep it casual, meet in a public place during daylight hours, and give a couple of friends detailed information about your date and where you plan to meet,” she explained. Tara and Robert’s first date started off casual when they met at the pier in Santa Monica, Calif. The date was extended to dinner, a movie, a stroll along the boardwalk, lots of conversation, and several kisses at the end of the night. A total of thirteen hours spent together. Now husband and wife, they have a child, Michael, who is four-years-old.

Robert pointed out that internet relationships have changed a great deal since he and Tara met. “When anything is mass produced it changes the way people communicate. A homeless person can create a profile on a dating site because it’s more accessible now. If I were someone in the dating market right now, I wouldn’t want to date online. I’d much rather see a woman’s face and her smile for the first time, in person.”

Lee Greene, a transportation manager, has had some fleeting and strange encounters in his internet dating experience, such as a woman who wanted to pay for him to visit her in another state because he looked like her ex-husband. But he managed to have an eight-month courtship with a woman he met through the internet. “We were developing a meaningful relationship, but we were in two different places. She was more established and I still needed to get myself together. But it was an ego booster to have an attractive woman help me realize the areas of my life that I needed to work on—a woman who was genuinely interested in me." The positivity alone made the experience a “success story” for him.

So does the method in which we date have a bearing on the quality of our relationships? Aren’t we the ones who determine whether relationships last, on or off the internet? The internet is just a microcosm of society as a whole. Internet relationships are only as good as who we are outside of the internet. The desire to have a positive dating experience should be the motivating force.

Expecting specific outcomes seem to increase one’s chances of becoming highly disappointed and frustrated. The internet is simply a tool which makes dating more convenient. Unfortunately, some people use it to deceive other people. Anyone looking for true love through internet relationships should focus on being what they are looking for while proceeding with caution and keen observation.

About the Author: Mel Bancroft is a writer for ; Regal Black Mens Magazine The publication focuses on ; African American Community News Politics Sports Health Visit to read about ; internet relationships

Source: www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=416482&ca=Relationships

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By CD Mohatta

When we are in love the world looks different. Everything looks good. We look at the world differently then those who are not in love. We love everything. The flowers smell better, the food tastes better, and the nature looks benevolent. How about our body? What kind of changes does love bring in our body?

The hearty is considered center of love. Every poet who has written on love talks of heart. I do not know if heart has anything to do with love- at least no medical professional will agree to that. For them the heart is only a pumping machine for blood. But for lovers heart becomes the center.

If you are in love, have you observed your heart beats? Do they not increase when you think of your lover? Does your heart not beat much faster when you are waiting to meet them? How about the heart beats when you are with them. The heart seems to beat much faster at that time, isn’t it? That is why poets write so much about heart.

That is why all Valentine decorations are heart shaped. the heart goes berserk when you are in love. It is as if it has forgotten about its pumping function and got busier expressing love. A look at the picture of your lover makes the heart beat faster. A touch, smell of their body, their voice, all can accelerate the heart. I do not know if any body has done any research about why heart behaves like this. Do emotions come from heart? Must be so otherwise whythe heart acts funny when we are in love?

Our walks become slower, we begin speaking in low voice, begin listening to slow love tunes, we begin caring more about our appearance and we become gentle with everyone around us. Why all this- because we are in love. Truly, being in love is a great feeling.

What are The signs of romantic love?

All of us talk of love. Most of us have heard of romantic love. Few of us have felt romantic love. I say few because everyone does not fall in deep romantic love. For many of us it is simple relationship that goes little beyond friendship. But in romantic love the relationship is totally different. Such love gives great pleasure and immense pain after break-up. The pain may at times be so much that one may regret ever falling in romantic love. How it feels when we are in deep romantic love?

We find everything about our partner romantic. Their talk, their walk, their smile and their laugh everything sounds good to us. We try of various ways to please our partner. We go to a great extent to fulfill their desires and make them happy. This is a big motivator. Many people have achieved great heights in their life because they wanted to do something for their partner. That is why it said that behind every successful man there is a woman. We feel highly confident and self-assured when we are in romantic love. It is considered an achievement. We feel that we have done something great. We lose sense of reality. We live in a dream world most of the times. Our thoughts are always centered on our partner. This can be very dangerous in some cases. After the love disappears, it becomes very difficult to adjust with life again. We become adventurous. Our mind finds way to be with our partner despite major obstacles. Our moral values may also change at times. Our body undergoes hormonal changes. Our reproductive hormones increase and we are most of the times in a state of excitement. We feel that we are one with our partner in all the ways. We become dependent upon them for getting pleasure and our earlier hobbies undergo change. This causes great ache after break- up.

About the Author: The author writes text messages and advises for internet and social networking content like myspace graphics and myspace comments. He also writes quizzes on subjects like personality, etc.

Source: www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=413926&ca=Relationships

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By Shari Hearn

Ah, your honeymoon. Time to throw budgetary caution to the wind and think big. Like a dream honeymoon on a private island in the Caribbean, with your own chef and a wait staff to tend to your every whim. Sounds good, right? Well, sure, if you’re one of the lucky ones in this economy still making rock star wages. But, if you’re an average couple starting your new life together, you may need to scale back a bit.

Now, now, don’t despair. The good news is you can still have a dream honeymoon and do it cheaply. Not convinced? Maybe the following 7 tips for a cheap, but dreamy honeymoon, will help:

1. Go on a Cruise

Cruises can be an excellent way to have a romantic honeymoon at a cheaper price. They’re all-inclusive, which means you know ahead of time how much the trip is going to cost, which makes them much easier to stay within the budget. You have a huge variety of destinations to choose from, including sexy Caribbean locations and quiet, romantic river cruises. And, if a longer cruise is out of your budget, there are many cheaper, 3- and 4-day cruises available which sail to romantic destinations at very reasonable prices.

2. Stay at Someone Else’s House

This may not sound very appealing, until you realize that home exchanges are a great and inexpensive way to vacation in some very hot destinations like Italy, Ireland or Greece. There are several home exchange networks online where you can find people willing to swap homes with you. It helps, of course, if you also live in a desirable vacation destination.

3. Head to the Mountains

A romantic cabin in a mountain setting can also be an inexpensive, yet dreamy, honeymoon. The good news here is that most people live within a day’s drive of a mountain community where you can rent a cabin for a few days. Walking hand-in-hand through a quite forest during the day, followed by champagne in front of a roaring fireplace – what could be more romantic?

4. Consider a Bed and Breakfast

Another romantic option is to stay at a Bed and Breakfast, particularly one that is historic. There’s just something about a house built in the 1800s, with its dark woods and stained glass that raises the level of romance. Be on the lookout for B&Bs which have won "Best in Romance" awards in magazines and Bed and Breakfast guides. You can find inexpensive, romantic B&Bs all over the world.

5. Consider a Cheaper Beach Setting

Yes, renting an entire island in the Caribbean all to yourselves is very appealing. But, it’ll cost you more for a 5-night stay on many private islands than most people make in a year. You can have the same million-dollar views for a tiny fraction of the cost in such beautiful places like Jekyll Island in Georgia, Catalina Island in California and Sanibel and Captiva Islands in Florida. No, you won’t have the private butler and chef, but you will have romantic, gorgeous views.

6. Take Your Honeymoon During the Off Season

Think a honeymoon in Europe is too expensive for you? Then go when it’s cheaper, like the shoulder season in the spring months of April or May, or late September or early October. Even if you have a June wedding, you can still put your honeymoon off until a cheaper time of year. It won’t make it any less romantic.

7. Have Someone Else Pay for It

Caught your attention, didn’t it? Of course it would be nice if someone else paid for it. But, maybe your family doesn’t have the money to send you both to some exotic part of the world. What next? Get set up at a honeymoon registry, that’s what. It’s like a wedding registry, but instead of asking for household items, you ask for contributions toward your honeymoon. The focus of the gifts is on things and activities a couple will typically pay for on a honeymoon. It may be something as common (albeit generous) as a 3-night stay in a spectacular resort on St. Barts. Or, it could be a gondola ride in Venice. Honeymoon registries can even help pay for one meal or all of them at the couple’s hotel.

The point is that a honeymoon doesn’t have to put you in debt to be special and romantic. The memory of your honeymoon should last a lifetime, not the cost.

About the Author: Shari Hearn is a writer and creator of Dream Honeymoon, where you can learn more about cheap honeymoon destinations.

Source: www.isnare.com

Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=412849&ca=Marriage

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By LiYana Silver

Understanding women in relationships is not an oxymoron. Understanding women in relationship is highly possible and surely probable as long as you’ve got one thing: what I call The Happiness Quotient.

What exactly is the key to understanding women in relationships? How exactly is women’s enlightenment the key to “save the world?”

I know for sure it doesn’t mean a lot of women ACTING enlightened, or behaving in the “enlightened” fashion de jour. Acting enlightened, rather than living it as our truth, tends to just make us more cranky and frankly, un-enlightened. To me, the key is a whole lot of women fed by the realization of who they are, awake to their nature, alive with the privilege of being a woman, full of light, turned on (rather than off); turned up (rather than down); hooked up to our passions and desires; and then living, acting and behaving from there. I also know that they key to enlightenment, especially for women, lies also in our full joy and happiness.

In the section, Men In Relationship, in my website, I not only give men the keys to support and bring about women’s joy and happiness, but also the essential skills and tools for men to simply be happy and successful themselves in relationships.

I’ve spent much of the past eight years throwing myself headlong into research of the seemingly elusive condition, happiness. Through varied trainings, studies with folks who’ve been studying happiness for the past 40 years, work with clients and testing it all out on myself and my own relationship, I’ve come to a glorious conclusion: the health of a group, whether that is as large as a culture or as small as a relationship or family, can be measured by the happiness of the women.

When the women are happy, everyone is happy; when they women are unhappy, somehow no one else is happy. However, if you look around in your own life experience, you’ll likely notice that many, maybe even most, women around you are shut down and pissed off. Maybe you’ve never even seen what a happy, radiant woman looks like.

There is no universal standard of happiness; you know when you are happy and when you are not. Generally, though, as defined by the veterans I’ve studied with, happiness is a function of appreciating what is so, not what you wish to be so. When you find your life and yourself good, right and wonderful, you are happy.

When you find your life and yourself bad, wrong and miserable, you are unhappy.

Our cultural, societal, economic, emotional, medical, sensual – and many spiritual – belief systems are all prejudiced to reference the male as standard. We also live inside of a “top dog, bottom dog” paradigm. The top dog has the power, the bottom dog doesn’t; and power is defined by power over another. As many advances and liberations as women enjoy currently, we are still defaulted to “bottom dog” status in the hierarchy. Often, any straying from these standards is considered deviant.

So women, like other oppressed groups, have learned – as those considered to be deviants from the norm learn – that it is not necessarily safe to be as we are and that we are not fully welcomed as we are. We cannot have full power as we are. We have learned, however subtly or overtly, that since the playing field is not equal, the easiest option is then to lie, cheat and manipulate to make up for the unfair advantage in order to get what we want. We have also learned that what we want is not important; we have learned to bury what we want – or we attempt to not want at all. The result is a bunch of shut-down, cut-off and royally pissed-off women, swimming in a sea where we are constantly found wrong and bad; hungry, unhappy and depleted at most every level.

The remedy is simple. Fill up the women.

As I, along with my partner, practiced these simple, organic, generous philosophies, my heart and head blew wide open. Imagine: recognition of the anger I didn’t even realize I had; a system that saw me, appreciated me and invited me to do the same; and practical, actual tools to lead a happy life. I also began see all the ways I was doing a disservice to me and my relationships by focusing on what wasn’t working. Since that put my attention on what was wrong or bad, that’s what we both got more of.

There is an astounding universal law at play: you can’t move from bad to better, you’ve got to go from bad to OK, then from OK to good, and then from good to better. It’s just the way the progression goes, like a law of physics: bad to OK to good to better. No short-cuts. When something is bad, even though we want it to be better, we can’t skip the next step of OK. OK, it IS; not OK the way it is. Saying OK means to cease resisting and denying the bad thing, but simply notice that it IS. It is our resisting and denying that causes our suffering, not the pain of the bad thing itself.

And once we can say OK to something, it can become good. Or we can then free up some space to look around and find what else in us or the world is good. And then from good, things can get better and better and better.

The magical thing is to start from finding the good, right here right now. And from this heart-opening, gratitude-overflowing place of what is already good, you can address what’s not working and help things to move toward better. When I work with women as well as couples, this is where we start – from what’s already good. Only from good, only from appreciating what is so – not what we wish was so – can things get better.

Any person, but especially a woman, who can find her life and self good, begins the necessary process of filling up. A woman who can find her life and self good, can also relocate her desires, wants and passions, for her self, for others and for life itself, which also begins to fill her up. Full – and fulfilled – women are by nature happy and living their passionate joy.

Women are in need of nourishment, emotionally, physically, spiritually and sensually. A gratified woman is a unique and precious commodity; she is a fountain overflowing. Giving from a surplus (that is naturally created when anything is full) creates more; giving from deficit creates anger and resentment, even if you are really good at hiding it or burying it. A woman in surplus is a delight and a gift to everyone around her. A woman in deficit might just be the meanest thing around.

Many spiritual traditions define enlightenment and spiritual ecstasy from a male perspective – so often women try to fit themselves in to a model of spirituality that is passed off as a universal model, but is more a male model. In everyday terms, it still costs more to dry-clean a blouse than a shirt, and a woman still earns about 77 cents to a man’s dollar. But regardless of how, why, when and from whence it all came to be, you need only to look around to see women drying up and gasping for air.

How then to feed and fill up a woman? Women are accustomed to being overlooked, ignored and disregarded. One simple and powerful antidote is to see us, pay attention to us a
nd to give us your full-hearted regard. We want to be noticed not as a formula or how close we’ve come to emulating a male model of success in business, spirituality or sex, but as a unique being – a woman. This may seem overly simple, but it is the profound start to a much-needed cultural shift.

Women want to be radiant and happy, but we cannot wait around for others to catch on and start offering their high-quality attention to us. It has to start with taking personal responsibility for our own happiness. It has to start with a large dose of radical, revolutionary courage to find ourselves and lives right and good, right now, and to connect with our desires and wants. All this, I have noticed over eight years of working with women and couples alike, takes a huge paradigm shift. It takes a level of self-awareness and understanding how you are wired and what to do with that. It takes a realization that if you feel like losing in your life, it could very well be by your compliancy. It takes the ability to communicate, to tell the truth, to be open and vulnerable. It takes the ability to know what you want, need and desire; to be OK THAT you want, need and desire; to ASK for what you want, need and desire; and to be OK GETTING what you want, need and desire! Shifting paradigms to shift painful patterns in order to become wildly happy and joyfully radiant – this is right where I always start. It may take a long time of this to fill us up – our wells might be very dry indeed.

When you have to pick either the chicken or the egg – focusing on the happiness of the women or of the men in a group – it’s best to pick the women as a starting place. A truly happy woman naturally wants everyone else around her to be happy and get exactly what they want. She’s like the best kind of epidemic there is. But this is not necessarily the case with happy men. A happy man is a great thing, no doubt, but he does not necessarily affect the level of happiness of the group, as does a woman. And often, what makes a happy man is that the women around him are happy. And often, when women focus worried attention on whether the men are happy, her worrying makes the men unhappy.

It is not that men get ignored in this equation. It does no good for either gender to feel disregarded, unable to give their deepest gifts. Generally what happens when a woman receives attention and appreciation from a man is that she wants more than anything for him to be happy and enjoying his life. A woman who is full and gratified is full of the very creative life energy that created us all. Anything that is full overflows generously on everything that is in its path.

Here we are, men and women alike, in the middle of our lives playing the most engaging, intimate and intense game of love, sex and relationship, and playing it from an enlightened perspective. The founding father of Morehouse, one of the veteran places I studied, Dr. Victor Baranco says, “If you’re going to play the game anyway, why not win?”

It would seem the winning formula is to start, every last one of us, with appreciating and placing positive attention on women and appreciating what’s right and good, thereby nourishing us in all our dry, cracked places. We women cannot delay our joy one moment nor wait an instant for our culture to catch up; we must take full responsibility for our own happiness. We must dive headlong in the waters of our desires, passions and that which brings us deep pleasure. And somewhere in the middle, the women get watered. And when the woman are watered, springtime returns to quench the thirsty land.

Is a woman who is happy and radiant a fully enlightened being? Rather than speculating, let’s ask her, shall we? And either way, I figure, a world abounding with happy women, defining “happiness” by our own surplus, joy and generosity, defining “enlightenment” by our own lit-up behavior, is a pretty great start.

About the Author: LiYana Silver, creatrix of http://www.ReDefiningMonogamy.com, works with couples and women to step out of painful relationship ruts into extraordinary, satisfying co-created partnerships – coloring both in and outside the lines of traditional monogamy.

Source: www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=408594&ca=Relationships

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By Bridget Mora

When you agree to be a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding, what you are really agreeing to do is to help ensure her happiness. She has likely invited you to participate in her wedding because you are one of her dearest friends, and there is a lot that you can do to support your friend during the wedding planning process and on the big day itself. Here are some handy tips for bridesmaids to help you be the best bridesmaid a bride could ever have.

Tip No. 1: Assume that the bride will go a little crazy, and be there to pull her back from the brink. A wedding is such an emotionally charged time that even the most level headed bride is sure to have some stressful moments. When she is on the verge of a breakdown because the printer spelled her name wrong on the invitations or her fiance chose a golf weekend with his buddies over a trip to a wedding show, a good bridesmaid will help the bride to calm down. Take her out to dinner or a funny movie, and help take her mind off of the wedding for a few hours until she has calmed down. Depending on the bride, other proven stress relievers include pedicures, yoga classes, dancing, or shoe shopping.

Tip No. 2: Anticipate the bride’s needs as much as possible. You know that her mother drives her crazy? Then run interference at the bridal shower and occupy her mother with an engaging conversation to keep her away from the bride. You know your friend dreads shopping? Then make appointments for her at the bridal shops and take her to find the perfect gown. If the bride is a people pleaser? Let her think that you love the bridesmaid dress that she has chosen, even if you hate the color. You can always spruce it up with some fabulous bridesmaid jewelry to make it look prettier, and the bride will be happy if she believes that you are happy.

Tip No. 3: Be prompt and responsible. If the bride says that everyone needs to have their deposits into the bridal shop for bridesmaid dresses by Saturday, get yours in on Thursday. When she asks you if you have made your plane reservations, be able to truthfully answer yes. Don’t be that one girl that the bride has to chase down for everything. It adds such a level of unnecessary stress to the wedding planning if the bridesmaids have to constantly be reminded about everything.

Tip No. 4: Take the time to look your best for her wedding. If your roots are showing, make an appointment with your colorist. Be sure that your nails are freshly manicured and get your hair styled. Do not show up to the wedding in a dress that is wrinkled, shoes that are scuffed, or bridesmaid jewelry that needs to be polished. It is bound to make the bride feel like you did not care enough about her wedding (even if you are genuinely overjoyed for her).

Tip No. 5: Find out how you can help while she is on her honeymoon. Perhaps you could deliver the presents to her house that guests brought to the wedding. Maybe she needs someone to walk her dog and water her plants. You could even leave the newlyweds a bottle of Champagne and a happy note welcoming them home from their honeymoon. Now that would be the mark of a first class bridesmaid!

About the Author: Bridget Mora writes for Silverland Jewelry about weddings, etiquette, and style. Thank your attendants for being a part of your wedding with beautiful handcrafted bridesmaid jewelry.

Source: www.isnare.com
Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=412266&ca=Relationships

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